Winners Sometimes Quit

Winners sometimes quit. Now put that on a t-shirt and it will turn some heads. I am hoping it opens up some conversation right here. Why on earth if you are winning would you quit?

I grew up playing sports. Motivated by coaches, my dad, and most of all the desire to win – I never quit.  I was a mediocre athlete, second string at best. But there was something about winning that made me work hard, and harder.

Somewhere along the way I realized I was better artist than an athlete. So, I poured my soul into drawings and paintings instead of dumbbells and planks. When I went from bench sitter to artist of the year, you would have thought I won the lottery. I love to win.

I was a type A kid on my way to being a type A adult.

If you are not a type A personality, you know one. You might even be married to one. (God bless my husband.) And if you are like me, type A to the core, you know how hard it is to let go of a good thing. It’s like walking away from certain victory. Or putting down the paint brush before the last stroke on your own personal Sistene Chapel.

If you walk away, you can’t sit back and say, “I did it.” Instead of beating the odds you feel that pit deep down inside that the challenge won. You lost.

Quitters never win, and winners never quit. Right?

Wrong.

Last month, I quit my job.

It is a teacher’s dream job. I work for great people, with great people and… teach an elective! A one-of-a-kind gig. Honestly, it’s the best job I’ve ever had. When it comes to teaching, I am a winner.

Winners sometimes quit.

So why did I let my principal know I wouldn’t be back next year?

I’ve got something else to win – my health.  I’ve been slowly losing it to lupus over the past couple of years. And I want it back. This type A wants to live a long, full life. God isn’t finished with me yet.

And my husband would like his wife back. Dear students and colleagues, I love you all, but you can’t have all of me.

We can easily agree that life is a balancing act. We hear it from the pulpit, we buy books on how to accomplish everything without losing anything, and we convince ourselves that mind over matter will help you make it – whatever your “it” may be.

But life with lupus is a balancing act with a 500-pound weight on your back.  I’ve listened intently to life-changing sermons and prayed countless nights for healing.  I’ve tried heal-thyself tactics and read article after article on how to better care for me, myself and lupus. I’ve even traveled more than a few miles to learn from the experts. And I still have lupus.

I know, I know…  I look healthy. (Unless you’ve all just been too nice to tell me otherwise.) If you ask me how I am, I will tell you “I’m alright.” And I am alright. I live a blessed life. Lupus may be known as the invisible disease. But God is not an invisible God.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:12-13

I don’t know why, or why me, but what I do know is that lupus isn’t going anywhere any time soon. But really, that’s okay. My lupus story is not one of defeat, but of victory because God is truly good. (Romans 8:28)

Winning is only possible when every decision you make is started with dear God help me and ends with thy will be done, thank you Jesus. I’ve made hasty decisions on my own in the past and learned the hard way. Not this time.

Thank you Jesus.

By His grace, I am a winning this race even though I gave up before the teacher-of-the-year finish line. I may still be that mediocre bench sitter, but God uses mediocre. And winners sometimes quit.

What the heck is lupus anyway?

Lupus is so complex, I couldn’t begin to explain the details. Thankfully, organizations like The Lupus Foundation of America are working to inform, advocate and find a cure. Navigate to the Understanding Lupus page at lupus.org, dig in a little and you’ll learn as much as you want to know.

In short, lupus is a disease that affects the immune system. The body cannot tell the difference between what is good and what is foreign, or bad. It mistakenly attacks your good cells, causing pain, inflammation and damage  to your skin, joints and organs (primarily the heart, lungs and kidneys). Treatments for lupus vary, but may include anti-inflammatory drugs, medicine that treats rheumatic diseases and forms of chemotherapy. Nutrition, supplements and rest play a key role in limiting disease activity as well.

If you don’t want to know much, I understand. I never thought I would be on the chronic illness team. And at one time I probably wondered about the reality of stories like mine.  I am thankful for those that cheer me on and can’t be too hard on anybody that hasn’t walked a mile in my shoes.

To be honest, I am writing in hopes my story will encourage somebody else out there who is wrestling with letting go of what used to be in hopes for something better. It could be a fight for their health, their marriage, their children or job. When it gets right down to it, it is a fight for faith.

“Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12

And because the real race is not against lost health, I am winning.

What’s next?

Now that I’ve told you I quit, I’ve got to tell you what’s next. The answer is I don’t know. God usually doesn’t lay out His plans in detail. That wouldn’t require so much faith, right? He brought me to this point, but now He has me waiting for the next step. And I’ve learned when He says wait on me…I’d better wait.

So I am waiting.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” Lamentations 3:25

While I wait, I am going to focus on managing that 500-pound weight on my back. I am going to get back to living the other half of my life, (the half that isn’t teaching.)  I am going to take joy in doing the laundry and cleaning the house – because I can. I am going to be there for my family and friends and perhaps angels unawares (Hebrews 13:2). I am going to go on long short walks with my husband and push a few grand babies in the stroller as I tell them where hope is found.

Most of all, I am going seek the Lord. He has the answers.

He is the answer.