The Truth About Trusting Your Husband

I inherited a keen sense of direction from my dad. I love looking at maps and figuring out how to get from point a to point b the most scenic or if needed the fastest route. We would collect a new map at every state rest stop. Me and my maps have since been replaced with the GPS. But you still need someone to tell you if you turned the wrong direction. Right? Or so I thought.

I used to carry around a proverbial roadmap to success to make sure we (me and my husband) didn’t make any wrong turns. Then one day God reminded me that He didn’t need any backseat drivers and neither did my husband.

Michael always drives the car. When it came to really being lost, the last thing my husband wanted to hear was, “you aren’t going the right way.”

We were in a season of major life changes. I was afraid.

I never knew that my fearful heart and know-it-all, decision-making skills were sending the message to my husband – I don’t trust you. I don’t believe you can get us there. (I am talking about life now.)

I remember hearing God clearly that day – I put Michael in the driver’s seat, let him drive. Instead of picking up the map or the GPS to keep us from making any wrong turns, I picked up a book and started reading. My silence, my restraint, was speaking louder than the guiding voice on the GPS.

There were no words spoken in that moment, but what Michael heard was, I trust you to figure out where we are going.

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:21-22

It seems silly, but the day I gave up my road map, marks the day God changed my heart and began healing in our marriage. I began to understand an important truth.

The truth about trust

Because I trust God, I can trust my husband.

There were times I made so much noise crying, complaining and coming up with the answers, that my husband couldn’t hear God even when he was listening.

As God worked in my heart, I trusted he was working in Michael’s too.  God didn’t need my help, but he did ask me to seek his him in prayer and in reading the scriptures.

Looking back, one of the most important steps in healing the wounds of distrust was to make sure Michael knew I trusted him to make good decisions for our family. It wasn’t easy at first. To be honest there were times I didn’t trust him. But my trust issues weren’t with my husband, they were with God.

Give up your will

“May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen. (Hebrews 13:21)

Our actions and our words reflect our hearts. When we let our emotions and fear take over, we suddenly find ourselves drafting a plan to fix everything that is wrong. Our will grows strong while God’s will waits patiently in the shadow of doubt.  Instead of sending the message to my husband, God’s got this and I know you are a man of God, I was screaming, do something and what is the matter with you!

It is only through the power of Jesus Christ that I was going change. Before Michael felt the love and respect he deserved, I had to give up my will and let God soften my stubborn heart.

Be careful with your words

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)

Sometimes, I was literally screaming. Screaming in hopes that Michael would hear my hurts – and fix them. The problem is he is not the one I should have been crying to. God is.

God hears your cry. The path you are walking on may not be one you would have chosen, but God will make a way when your faith is in him. It is so easy to blame your husband when you can’t figure out how you got to a place where nothing heals your wounds or provides the security you long for. But If you are crying (or screaming) for your husband to fix it, you are hindering his faith as well as yours.

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” (Exodus 14:14)

When our thoughts and words are grounded in faith over fear… When we pray for our husbands instead of plea to them, God honors our heart and begins healing.

Wait on God’s work

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalms 27:13-14)

Healing is a process. My strong will and harsh words were instruments of destruction. If God were going to rebuild our marriage, it would take time. Sometimes we would mess up and have start over again, but God never gave up on us. He won’t give up on you either.

While we wait, we experience the hand of God over circumstances that seem impossible. Don’t lose heart. Look for God’s work in your life and in the life of your husband. Give him glory over the small steps.

Small steps lead to big change in our strong-willed, doubt-filled, fearful hearts. It is my prayer that you give up control over your situation and quietly wait on God as he creates in you, and your husband, a new heart.

 

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