You May Not Be As Fearless As You Think

Deep down I doubted him.  He always said it would be alright, but fear fed my insecurities. Starving for answers and a glimpse of a better future, I let fear consume me and did the only thing that came natural to me – I took control. Or at least I tried to.

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16

I know that I am not alone in my deep-down desire to control my circumstances, and at times, my husband. I was almost relieved the first time I read that it is woman’s sin nature to want control. Eve of Genesis wanted it. Sarah, wife of Abraham wanted it. Martha, friend to Jesus, wanted it. I wanted it too – control.

And if you’re honest with yourself, until you give up your fears to Jesus, you’re right there with me. It’s how we’re wired. If nobody is going to get it done, fix it, or satisfy my wants and needs . . . I will.

If you are a do-it-all, get-it-done, fearless kind of woman of God – listen up, and let’s take a look at the life of Sarah from Genesis. You may not be as fearless as you think.

She was smart, she was beautiful, and she feared God would not give her the promised child. She grew weary of waiting on God and on her husband, so she did what most capable women would do – she took matters into her own hands.

“After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: ‘Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.’” Genesis 15:1

I am pretty sure if God gave my husband a “fear not” vision he would share it with me in a “it’s going to be alright” kind of way. But like Sarah, I fear that it’s not going to be alright and I am tempted to take matters into my own hands. Or even worse, manipulate my husband to do what I think he should be doing to make whatever is wrong right.

The message we send our husbands when we take control is “I don’t believe you when you say it’s going to be alright because I doubt your faith, and I sure don’t think you are capable of getting us through this.”

What if Sarah, instead of telling Abraham what to do, first trusted God? What if she fought fear with faith that God is a God that can do a mighty work in and through her husband? What if she gave up hear fears and desire for control to God?

What if we give up it all up to God too?

Fear holds captive the controlling heart. God’s word is filled with promises of peace and restored relationships – but only if we trust him.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

It’s tough. When we have perfected the habit of speaking our mind instead of speaking God’s truth, we need practice to make progress. I remember the first time I gave up my fear-driven control to God. It went something like this, “Because I trust God, I know that I can trust you – whatever you think we should do, I am with you.” I admit, these words did not roll off my tongue easily, but they were peace giving. No longer did I have to worry about the “big decision.”  Michael was empowered by my trust to trust God too and instead of fighting, we moved forward with faith.

But remember, old habits are heard to break, and obedience is not a one-time deal.  If I am not committed to trust God – every time, my desire for control will creep back in and cause confusion, chaos and calamity. Trust requires obedience.

We know by the text in 1 Peter 3:5-6 that Sarah grew to trust God and walk in peace with her husband as he led them in God’s promises. She is remembered by her faith, by her loyal love for Abraham and her fearless trust in God.

I have to ask myself, what will I be remembered by? What will you?