What Really Matters

“I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation – the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ – for this will bring much glory and praise to God.” Philippians 1: 9-11

I have a history of people pleasing. I still struggle.  If I am not careful, I fear what people might think and second guess decisions that I know in my heart are right. It’s not so much that I want people to like me, it’s that I don’t want them to dislike me. Sometimes, I don’t even know who it is I am trying to please, just that I want to fit in.

Not fitting in is what landed the apostle Paul in prison. The Roman political and religious system expected you and your family to fall in line. Bow down to their gods, participate in their worship, or risk judgement. Christianity was considered bad for society.

If you were a Christian, you were an outcast.

Have you ever felt like an outcast? I have. Even though I haven’t faced persecution like Paul did, my decision to follow Christ and his will for my life sometimes makes me an outsider.  Like Philippi, our culture gives importance to what you have, who you are, who your friends are and where you spend your time.

It’s a culture that is hard to break from. I’ve even seen it within the walls of our churches.

I imagine that the Roman culture found its way in to the early church as well. That’s one of the reasons why Paul wrote to his friends at the church in Philippi.  He wanted to make sure their source of joy was in Christ, not in fitting in. He wanted them to know what really matters.

When we are focused on measuring up or fitting in, we forget what really matters. Share on X

What really matters?

Paul knew the answer.

Love.

I know the answer too. So, how can I so easily forget and let my desire to fit in keep me from loving others like I am supposed to?

It’s hard to love people that make you feel unloved, not good enough, or overlooked.

If I am honest, when I first read they passage from Philippians, I skipped over the let your love overflow part right into the grow in knowledge and understanding.

But the truth in the scriptures calls for love first. (Luke 10:27) Without love, we will never experience what really matters.

Love is what opens the door to the knowledge and understanding of the One that really matters.

 How to love

I could lay out 10 ways to love but knowing how to love is not the problem. It’s choosing to love.

God chose to love me, even though I know, without a doubt, there are times when I am unlovable.

We have a choice too.

I’ve messed this one up more times than I want to admit. But I’ve come to realize that if I quit worrying about fitting in and simply love, then fitting in doesn’t matter.

Love the one that hurts you. Chances are they’ve been hurt.

Love the one that seems to have it all. If they don’t have Jesus, they have nothing.

Love the one that stands out in the crowd. They may be hiding their pain.

Love the one that acts like you don’t exist. God sees you.

The list could go on and on. The point is, when we focus on what really matters (love), instead of fitting in, we grow in the knowledge and understanding of Christ. Remember, you are never alone in Him!

No perfect place

In a perfect world, church would be the place where everyone fits in. But we are not, and our churches are not, part of perfect world.

So what do you do when disappointment falls on your heart because you still don’t fit in, even at church?

You love.

Not fitting in is part of my testimony. I attended eight different schools from kindergarten to twelfth grade and I never “grew up” in a single church. I was turned away from youth groups, made fun of at school and left hanging dry when I simply needed someone to help me through tough times.

Somehow, I knew in my heart that if I chose to love, that God would be glorified, and I would be okay.

Along the way, no matter where my feet landed, I began to understand that if I keep loving, God reveals what really matters – and it’s not fitting in.

It is following a Savior who loves me so much, he died for me. He died for you too. (Romans 5:8)

In a culture where so much emphasis is placed on fitting in, it’s no wonder our heart aches to be part of the crowd. Whether that crowd is at school, work or even church, God does not want fitting in to compromise our relationship with him.

What really matters is that our love overflows so much that there is no room for empty hearts that long to fit in.